Published in When You Were Fifteen, by Sam Adams
At fifteen, life was difficult. There was a reason for that.
I lived with my Dad. He was a heavy drinker. Our home life in Eugene was infused with alcohol. It was an often violent place.
Once, a friend and I were on a binge. We got into a conversation about the meaning of life. We summarized life as, “booze and social mix.”
Things felt pretty bleak.
My Dad and I had a combustible relationship. I had to get out of his house. I feared for my safety. So I moved out. I lived largely on my own at fifteen.
Right away, I felt better. I joined the cross-country running team and worked on the school newspaper. I got a job at Mr. Steak. I realized that I had incredible opportunities, in spite of my circumstances.
There were two teachers at school who kept me going: Sue Addicott and Byron Dudley. They didn’t fawn all over me. I would not have liked that. They just showed a little extra interest.
They’d stop me in the hall once in a while and tease me. They teased me in a way that made the point clear – they expected me to do something with my life.
And because they showed that little extra interest in me, I realized that I should show a little extra interest in myself. It didn’t take much. I didn’t grow up in a home with a lot of positive feedback.
Sue got me into photography. It turned out that I was pretty good at it. Sue didn’t pull punches with her criticism, but she always encouraged me. She told me: pursue what you like until you find something else. I’d never experienced that kind of support. I surprised myself when I won a statewide photography award.
Byron was the faculty advisor for the student government. My knees shook when I had to speak in front of any group. But Byron said something like, “You’re stubborn but in a good way.”
Now I’m on the Portland City Council. I am still stubborn about getting things done. When I was fifteen, me serving on a city council would have seemed impossible. Byron nudged me to try out abilities I didn’t even know I had.
If it hadn’t been for Sue and Byron, I would have disappeared. My siblings weren’t so lucky. They didn’t have the help I did to get through. They’re all right now, but they struggled for a long time.
My life could have gone bad, but Sue and Byron made the difference. I knew they were there, keeping an eye out for me, and helping me to see beyond the problems in my family to all the possibilities in my life. I think every kid deserves at least one adult who believes in them like Sue and Byron believed in me.
I absolutely agree. We came into my daughters boyfriends life at 15, and spent the next 20 years uplifting and reassuring him, guiding his decisions until he became more confdent and letting him know he could do anything. Trust me he did the majority of the work, we are just always there, a net so to speak He had such a sad life as a young boy. Today he is a respected lawyer, beautiful family and 3 beautiful children. He doesn’t really need us anymore but I hope he passes on what he got to someone else living in confusion and pain. It just takes one person to reach out a hand to make a difference.